Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
