im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
