Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
