i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize