Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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