you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
