In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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