Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
