you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
