what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
