just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize