Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's get the cat blown out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
