He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
