Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
