Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
