Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
