I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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