Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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