I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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