His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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