remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Never let your siblings swipe right.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
