I am spending my child support on dildos
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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