What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
