do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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