Did you just see the Batmobile???
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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