i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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