So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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