If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
