Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize