i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
