I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
