vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
