we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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