So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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