Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
