i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
