So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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