my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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