I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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