His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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