I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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