Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize