Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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