I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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