The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
