Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
