I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
