Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
