i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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