Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
