it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
