i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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