I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
