the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I love you. Go after that dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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