I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
