i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
