Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize