I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
