He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he thought i was a dude.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
