So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
