high people should be assigned attendants
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
