living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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