I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
