She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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