If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
