if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize