PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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