I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
