you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
