rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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