Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
