How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
