this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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