Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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