I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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