Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
