frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
