I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
