So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize